Flutterings

Throughout the years I never really gave much thought to the special things that occur around me.  I was so wrapped up in the big picture.  However, last summer when Kim came back home for a spell I noticed her looking at a rose bush Bill planted for me in the front yard.  I saw her take pictures of the bright, magenta roses.  I saw her look at the roses with great interest.  I finally asked her one day what she was looking at.  She said, “Haven’t you noticed?”  “That rose just blossomed!”  I was amazed it had just opened its tiny petals, and I had missed it!  I found myself wondering what else I was missing.  I started listening to Kim as she pointed out butterflies gently swooping by almost as if they were floating by on a breeze to say, “Hi!”  I started to listen when Kim said, “Mom!  You won’t believe it!  A hummingbird just flew by and stopped right in front of me!”  “It just stayed in place looking at me and flapped its wings!”  These moments became significant to me because days prior Kim’s heart had been fluttering from PSVT’s after she had made another suicide attempt.  Kim’s sightings got me thinking about all of the times when she and I are together and the song “Apologize” by One Republic plays on the radio.  Just last week when we ran to the gas station that song was on again!  Wow!  For some reason over the past four years when I am with Kim that songs plays!  We both look at each like really?  I have taken notice.  When I was in Ottawa, Kansas volunteering for the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition show I saw large, brilliant blue dragonflies flying low around the crowd during the reveal of the Hill’s new home.  I took notice.  Also, while in Ottawa Bill was out in an empty field picking up trash from the week’s event, and he found something that you would think would be impossible!  He walked into the catering tent and said, “You won’t believe what I just found!”  He reached out towards me with his hand holding something tightly.  He unfolded his fingers, and in the palm of his hand was a dime!  You see Kim and Bill have had a running joke about a dime for years.  Every time Bill finds a dime he gives it to Kim.  They don’t recall how this started.  Wherever Bill travels if he finds a dime he gives it to Kim.  What a special dime this one was!  I took notice.  When my kids come home to visit on the weekends including my beautiful granddaughter my heart flutters!  I have taken notice.  When my husband gets home from work my heart flutters.  I have taken notice.  When I think about mental illness and awareness my heart flutters.  To me fluttering means life, energy, awareness and movement.  However, flutterings to me are also fragile.  Stacy’s Flutterings signifies my vulnerability as I continue to open up and speak about mental illness and awareness at the most personal level.

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3 thoughts on “Flutterings

  1. Melissa Manzer says:

    Stacy thank you so much opening up and sharing your life with me and others, You make me think of things that I dont normally think of because Im so consumed with life and the heart ache that come with it, not so much happy times for me in the past few years sometime I will share with you about it as you are sharing your life with me. I love you and miss our friendship so very much.

    Love, Melissa (Lisa)

    • stacysflutterings says:

      Lisa,

      I miss you too! As difficult as it is, I am glad to open up with others about what we are going through. I don’t want anyone to feel as alone as I have felt. Please feel free to call or email me anytime! I too miss our friendship very much!

      Love, Stacy

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